My Sport Has Passed Me By

When I was a boy I played many a sport. I began with baseball, because that's what my dad played and it was America's pastime.

I find it funny that baseball of all sports is America's pastime. It's slow, you sit around and do nothing for most of it, and it's even acceptable to use narcotics during the game (chewing tobacco). Weird.

Anywho, I played baseball for about five years and soccer for four. Basketball I played probably the most at six or seven years (I can't recall the exact amount), but the sport I loved was hockey!

Texas? Hockey? Doesn't really fit, right? It was on the wave of two things: first, "The Mighty Ducks" which sent the nation into a hockey frenzy for a few years, and the coming of the then Minnesota North Stars to Dallas. I take great pride in my hockey skills because at the time, no one else in my family knew how to skate. I taught myself going back and forth on the driveway out back for hours. I bought my sticks to play and would typically play from the time I got out of school (3:30) to when it was time for dinner (5:30). In the summers it would be from just after noon till it got dark! I played hockey a total of around 10 years and got really good. I would say at my best, good enough to go into a minor league club and do alright. I even got a bunch of supplies and found a nice rink to play pickup games at when I moved out here to Portland.

Recently I've been thinking more and more about it for exercise purposes, but a video I just saw made me want to quit altogether.




That's a nine year old! Even if I tried to break this kids face with my size.....he would still beat me! For those who don't understand what they are seeing in the video, the kid basically flips the puck so it lays flat on the blade of his stick, then using the centripetal force, spins around, and slingshots the puck into the net!!

WTF!!!!

The goalie clearly has the right idea as he hardly goes down into his stance, then after the puck goes in he immediately starts to move off the ice and go ask his father to shoot him in the face because he just realized that all your dreams do NOT come true!

This kid just received a notice from the Canadian government that he is allowed (when he turns 18) to visit all of the cities of Canada, all expenses paid, and impregnate their women.....and maybe a bear or two.

(I've had a theory for years that the Canadian government was secretly doing experimentation on bear/hockey player cross breeding to make super unstoppable bear hockey players. More research needs to be done.)