In A Rut

Well friends, I still need a job. It's been a year since I've had real work, which sounds weird, but I need one desperately now. I'm not quite going for broke here, but it's getting to that point. So I decided that I should look back on this past year and see what kind of decisions I made and if I would've maybe done something else, something more.

After I was laid off, I went two routes. First I started looking jobs that were part-time, full-time, any-time that could pay me something. Then I looked for some creative work to do for free and bought myself a camera and a decent editing suite to practice on. That was one of the best choices I've made. After meeting with my now good friend Jaime, I became a cameraman for Pirate Satellite TV and worked on tons of shoots. Again, really good choice. I got so much experience out of it and eventually became an Executive Producer organizing and running the operation. Hard times only got harder and it seemed our dream for getting the show picked up by some advertisers wouldn't happen. Although I will help out in any way that I can, I needed to find something to work on, something that I could make some money and gain some experience at the same time.

Enter the "Lewis and Clark Were Here" project. In October, my now fiance and I decided to embark on this journey that would take us across the country and provide a compelling (and marketable) adventure for people all across the US. For 6 months we planned out every detail and when it came time for the funding and sponsors it looks like we could maybe make it, but there many of our loved ones that were worried and had reasonable arguments that we shouldn't go on with our project. Sadly, we had to make the decision to cancel (or possibly postpone) our great walk across the country and now we are left with the question of "where do we go from here?"

That is the question for many Americans today, "where do we go from here?" Many people state that your 'job' does not define you as a person, and while that may be true it does give someone a purpose. Not having a defined 'purpose' in life can be devastating to a person's psyche as I'm learning over the year that I have been more or less unemployed. I do not consider myself to have been unemployed for a year, just lacking in monetary compensation. But when you don't have a solid schedule everyday and are putting together projects that yield you experience but no revenue, it becomes harder and harder to wake up, wash your face, and go out into the world.

I'm sorry if this post seems depressing, but I'm grasping at straws. Everyone everywhere is saying, "everything is going to be alright" and "you'll get a job eventually", but what if it doesn't. There are people out there who don't have jobs and haven't for quite some time. There are situations that don't get better. Believe me, I am more of an optimist than most people you will have met but there is a breaking point. My dad tells me almost every time I talk to him that "man, I really admire your spirit. I couldn't do that." Maybe that's because he has a job, and always had one.

Forgive me for venting.

I have taken more drastic steps now and will continue to take greater steps to get a job. My message to all those who are unemployed out there and looking for work:

Do what you can to stay sane without hurting yourself. Talk it out with as many people as you can and try your best to stay focused on your goals. And above all else don't give up. If you keep going, if you keep trying, your persistence will pay off.

I have to be close now, because I've been trying a while. So hurry up and get here job cause dammit I'm ready to work!!!